Looking For Group
by Leikiz
Summary: Purity looks for a new super-group to join. People seem to hate her for some reason. [Crack]


"So, I know we're always looking for new talent, but I hadn't pegged us as your... scene."

Purity rolled her glowing shoulders in a shrug. "You're my last resort."

"It couldn't have been that bad," Jack Slash said, rubbing his beard bemusedly.

"Think again," Purity muttered. "Ma- Kaiser is too much of a sociopath to deal with, and I'm sick of him trying to control me with our kids."

"Nine sociopaths, right here."

Purity didn't seem to hear him. "And so I tried joining other groups. The ABB were out, of course. The others were... problematic."

XXX

"Forgive me if I'm not convinced, Purity," Grue said. Black smoke wreathed his head, making his already dark presence even more ominous.

Purity bit her lip. _Okay, Grue's black. Don't use the n-word. Don't call him 'boy.' Just be cool, and maybe Tattletale will agree to vote him out._

"I'm... I'm ready to turn over a new leaf."

Grue sighed visibly, his helmet dipping. Purity didn't miss the nudge Tattletale gave him in the ribs.

"I think we can agree to try."

He held out a hand. A very, very dark-skinned hand.

Purity's eye twitched. Wait. She had this. She knew what to do!

She fist-bumped him.

XXX

"We're mercenaries," Fautline said. "You're not exactly the subtle type, and a neo-nazi doesn't really help our image."

"I'm willing to change," Purity said, fingers drumming on her resume folder. "I- I'm really impressed by how you-"

She glanced around the empty dance floor of the Palanquin. _Say something that'll make her trust you._

Her eyes settled on the pale blonde waif staring into space as an orange boy helped her cross to the stairs.

"I really admire your work with mental defectives."

XXX

"Wow. Just... wow," Jack Slash said.

"I know!" Purity shouted. "Nobody wants to give me a chance!"

XXX

"We do have programs that allow villains to make a new start. They're typically not as high profile as you, but I think we can work something out in another city." Armsmaster shuffled papers for a moment. "How do you feel about Detroit?"

"..." Purity said.

XXX

"I know it's awkward because I've beaten most of you into the ground before," Purity said. "But I think your ideals of openness and accountability are really... really... good..."

"If it was possible to hate someone to death..." Gallant muttered from his spot in the corner.

The rest of New Wave continued to give Purity the stink eye.

XXX

"Was there anyone you didn't try?" Jack asked. He sounded almost embarrassed now.

"Well..."

XXX

"..." Skidmark said.

"..." Squealer said.

Purity turned on her heel and walked away.

XXX

"I'm all out of options," Purity moaned. "No one wants to work with me. And you- you guys accept anyone!"

Jack cocked an eyebrow at her. "You're sure you'd fit in with the Nine?"

"I'm willing to try!" She sounded desperate now, and she was, and she was far past caring.

"We're a family," Jack said. "The Nine. So I don't think you'd have any problem if I mentioned that Burnscar is a flaming lesbian?"

Purity's smile tilted down on one side. "I- I think that's very... good for her, that she made that... lifestyle choice."

"And you have no problem with Crawler being African American?"

"Crawler is a giant monster!"

Jack jabbed a finger at her. "So suddenly you won't judge him on skin color?!"

He stood up, towering over her. "I don't think this is going to work."

"Please, just give me a chance," she cried.

"Bonesaw's last name is 'Goldstein.'"

Purity flinched backwards. "No!"

"And Shatterbird is from Dubai!"

"Ahhh! Not there!" She had no idea where it was, only that it scared the shit out of her.

"Siberian is half-black, half-white!"

"Race traitor!"

"And she's technically a woman trapped in a man's body!"

Purity paused. "Wait, what?"

"So really, the only member of the Nine you'd get along with would be Mannequin. He's nice and white like you like." Jack sounded genuinely disgusted now.

"What about you and Cherish?"

"No one likes Cherish."

(Somewhere nearby, Cherish looked up from where she was making terrible life choices. "Hey!")

"And me..." Jack continued. "You remember Harbinger, of the original Nine?"

Purity nodded dumbly.

"He and I fucked. A lot."

She nodded again and stood up. "I- I think I'll just see myself out."

"Please do."

He even held the door for her.


End file.
